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Lada Niva
Moderator: Tiny
Lada Niva
Hi,
Was wondering if anyone owns a Lada Niva and if they know what suspetion mods are available for these little 4wds.
thanks
Byron
Was wondering if anyone owns a Lada Niva and if they know what suspetion mods are available for these little 4wds.
thanks
Byron
83 60 Series cruiser, 33 Muddies, Rear locker, UHF, Custom Boxes, Pleanty dints.
niva
hi..used to own one...
i lifted mine 2 inchs(springs/shocks)from carrols springs.
the actual lift was 2inchs rear...(excellent travel)front 1.5inch not much better than stock...........then i cut about half of the front upper and lower bump stops....awww the differance was amazing off road.that little bit of extra front travel made the vehicle so much more capable........and the car drove excellent off road......but i also fitted 215/75/15 muds on sierra rims....the sierra rim offset is awsome on the lada giving it a wide mean stance.goodluck.......
i lifted mine 2 inchs(springs/shocks)from carrols springs.
the actual lift was 2inchs rear...(excellent travel)front 1.5inch not much better than stock...........then i cut about half of the front upper and lower bump stops....awww the differance was amazing off road.that little bit of extra front travel made the vehicle so much more capable........and the car drove excellent off road......but i also fitted 215/75/15 muds on sierra rims....the sierra rim offset is awsome on the lada giving it a wide mean stance.goodluck.......
Another trick is to remove a front and rear coil, take them to a wreckers and match for height and diameter but with a wire diameter of 16mm rather than 13mm which is standard. Usually results in a 50mm lift at little expense. Then you can fit a 215/15 tyre or 205/16 without rubbing. I was about to do this but then found a Suzuki LWB which I'll modify instead. Why are you looking to modify the suspension, even stock the Lada is pretty good.
Cheers...
Con
Cheers...
Con
Another thing to do. Remove the front sway bar, and trim the front bump stops a little, will improve the front travel quite a lot. It's quick and costs nothing to do.
-----
This is in reference to 1600 carby model mainly
If it's an early model (pre 87') swap the ignition to the electronic ignition, will help make it more reliable.
Timing chain does not have an auto tensioner, so needs adjusting now and again. There was a mob in Melbourne if i recall that made an auto tensioner for them, but i couldn't tell you who and if still available.
The thing that can cause the biggest problem is the coupling between the gearbox and transfer case. It is made of Rubber, it works quite fine, but once it wears out, it can cause some bad vibration problems. If it's not sorted it vibrates the transfer case mounts so badly it starts to tear the floor, then vibrating worse, causing more tearing etc. But after replacing it needs to be aligned correctly, if it's misaligned it will still cause vibrations and cause the above problems. It is worth checking the floor around the transfer case mounts, and if tearing is evident, beef the area up with more metal.
Electrics can be a funny problem with them, after 87' they improved a bit, but can still be a problem. Some people have loads of problems, others have none, is a bit of a quality control thing i think.
Rust is another funny one, some seem to be filled with it, others seem to be immune to it.
Other then that, quite a cheap tough little rig and if something breaks, you can usually find something off a totally different vehicle that can be made to fit.
-----
WaveCult wrote:While on the topic of Nivas... what sort of issues are owners likely to experience?
This is in reference to 1600 carby model mainly
If it's an early model (pre 87') swap the ignition to the electronic ignition, will help make it more reliable.
Timing chain does not have an auto tensioner, so needs adjusting now and again. There was a mob in Melbourne if i recall that made an auto tensioner for them, but i couldn't tell you who and if still available.
The thing that can cause the biggest problem is the coupling between the gearbox and transfer case. It is made of Rubber, it works quite fine, but once it wears out, it can cause some bad vibration problems. If it's not sorted it vibrates the transfer case mounts so badly it starts to tear the floor, then vibrating worse, causing more tearing etc. But after replacing it needs to be aligned correctly, if it's misaligned it will still cause vibrations and cause the above problems. It is worth checking the floor around the transfer case mounts, and if tearing is evident, beef the area up with more metal.
Electrics can be a funny problem with them, after 87' they improved a bit, but can still be a problem. Some people have loads of problems, others have none, is a bit of a quality control thing i think.
Rust is another funny one, some seem to be filled with it, others seem to be immune to it.
Other then that, quite a cheap tough little rig and if something breaks, you can usually find something off a totally different vehicle that can be made to fit.
Some Fiat 124's had LSD's that bolt right into the Lada, Same diffs. Also the ruber "doughnut" is also the same as a Fiat. Most parts are Fiat. The timing chain take about 10 sec to tighten theres a bolt on the side of the motor you just loosen, then crank it once or twice. Another good thing about the Lada is they come with a crank winder so if you get a flat you can just crank start it , Like push starting.
Hmmmm... am begining to look at the possibility of a Sierra or Niva in the future, just have to figure out what's going to be most cost effective.
Any issues with front diffs on the Nivas? (my auto Grand Vitara's gone through 2) also, on average how often does the alignment of the transfer case need atention? Each time it's taken offroad? Every 6 months? Every year? (just trying to get an idea of the maintenance required)
Also, what's the largest sized tyre you can fit on them without too many mods?
Thanks for your help guys...
Any issues with front diffs on the Nivas? (my auto Grand Vitara's gone through 2) also, on average how often does the alignment of the transfer case need atention? Each time it's taken offroad? Every 6 months? Every year? (just trying to get an idea of the maintenance required)
Also, what's the largest sized tyre you can fit on them without too many mods?
Thanks for your help guys...
My problems have revolved around the gearbox, I've lost 4th on one occasion and 5th on another, both through driver abuse/ignorance. Since the second rebuild (first one was botched I believe), I've modified my driving and had no problems. Electrics have been pretty good but I seem to replace alternators every 2-3 years, original lasted 6 years. Rust is breaking out now at 13 years old, which is to be expected as I lived near the beach for close to 12 months. Engine has been fantastic, its done 280K on LPG with zero problems, compression etc is fine. Biggest problem with the Lada is ignorant mechanics, and there so cheap owners (including me!) tend to skimp on servicing them regularly.
Cheers...
Con
Cheers...
Con
WaveCult,
Personally, I feel the Lada is the better stock 4wd, particularly on-road. Fitted with the Russian "knobby" tyres they're also great in the bush. Standard tyre is a 175/80x16 (limited options) but they also fitted an optional 195/80x15. I've got a set of 215x15 Motorway GroundHogs that currently rub so a 2" lift is really needed to get them to fit and work. I've seen 235/70x15s fitted to a Lada with chopped rear and front guards.
If you want to modify a 4WD, then the Sierra becomes better value as you can readily get the parts to really build them up. I've recently picked up a LWB Sierra to do just that, the options for motors/gearboxes/diffs etc just leave the Lada for dead. You can throw money at both, but at the end of the day the Sierra will reward you better for the money spent.
Cheers...
Con
Personally, I feel the Lada is the better stock 4wd, particularly on-road. Fitted with the Russian "knobby" tyres they're also great in the bush. Standard tyre is a 175/80x16 (limited options) but they also fitted an optional 195/80x15. I've got a set of 215x15 Motorway GroundHogs that currently rub so a 2" lift is really needed to get them to fit and work. I've seen 235/70x15s fitted to a Lada with chopped rear and front guards.
If you want to modify a 4WD, then the Sierra becomes better value as you can readily get the parts to really build them up. I've recently picked up a LWB Sierra to do just that, the options for motors/gearboxes/diffs etc just leave the Lada for dead. You can throw money at both, but at the end of the day the Sierra will reward you better for the money spent.
Cheers...
Con
CptnBarney wrote:WaveCult,
Personally, I feel the Lada is the better stock 4wd, particularly on-road. Fitted with the Russian "knobby" tyres they're also great in the bush. Standard tyre is a 175/80x16 (limited options) but they also fitted an optional 195/80x15. I've got a set of 215x15 Motorway GroundHogs that currently rub so a 2" lift is really needed to get them to fit and work. I've seen 235/70x15s fitted to a Lada with chopped rear and front guards.
If you want to modify a 4WD, then the Sierra becomes better value as you can readily get the parts to really build them up. I've recently picked up a LWB Sierra to do just that, the options for motors/gearboxes/diffs etc just leave the Lada for dead. You can throw money at both, but at the end of the day the Sierra will reward you better for the money spent.
Cheers...
Con
I've got some Sierra/Vitara rims and tyres but not very big though (29" Simex Extreme Trekkers) and just wanted an inexpensive 4x4 to play on Not looking at spending a great deal on mods but I also don't want something that'll break.
But will have to sell off the GV to be able to afford to play more (ie. not worry about scratches and dents) (and don't really need a daily driver anymore)... decisions decisions
Thanks for your feedback!
Owned a 87 Lada niva for 4 years. weak points I discovered were the steering box. cracked 2. idler arm bushes. carry a bag of them because they don't last long. Istalled a 2 inch lift 2 clear 215's on vitara rims.
Broke the rear diff. did 2 gearboxes and one cv. Starter needed rebuilding.
Changed the standard carbie over for one from a cortina. replaced the mech fuel pump for an electric on. Was dieing on hills due to fuel starvation.
235's will fit but rub like fark off road. didn't feel like chopping anything as they have no chassis and rely on body for strength.
Also brock both the rear shock mounts.
If your interested in buying check 5 gear for noise. They chew it out frequently as the rear flang bolt becomes loose.
Great off road. but expensise as you will break stuff.
Other stuff broke but I cannot remeber it right now. bought a hilux next.
Goodsy
Broke the rear diff. did 2 gearboxes and one cv. Starter needed rebuilding.
Changed the standard carbie over for one from a cortina. replaced the mech fuel pump for an electric on. Was dieing on hills due to fuel starvation.
235's will fit but rub like fark off road. didn't feel like chopping anything as they have no chassis and rely on body for strength.
Also brock both the rear shock mounts.
If your interested in buying check 5 gear for noise. They chew it out frequently as the rear flang bolt becomes loose.
Great off road. but expensise as you will break stuff.
Other stuff broke but I cannot remeber it right now. bought a hilux next.
Goodsy
Goodsy wrote:Owned a 87 Lada niva for 4 years. weak points I discovered were the steering box. cracked 2. idler arm bushes. carry a bag of them because they don't last long. Istalled a 2 inch lift 2 clear 215's on vitara rims.
Broke the rear diff. did 2 gearboxes and one cv. Starter needed rebuilding.
Changed the standard carbie over for one from a cortina. replaced the mech fuel pump for an electric on. Was dieing on hills due to fuel starvation.
235's will fit but rub like fark off road. didn't feel like chopping anything as they have no chassis and rely on body for strength.
Also brock both the rear shock mounts.
If your interested in buying check 5 gear for noise. They chew it out frequently as the rear flang bolt becomes loose.
Great off road. but expensise as you will break stuff.
Other stuff broke but I cannot remeber it right now. bought a hilux next.
Goodsy
Yeah I know they're the same stud pattern, that's why I mentioned it... same stud pattern but a lot more [negative] offset from the Sierra/Vitara rims.
Sounds like a lot can go wrong with them and although reasonably cheap might turn out a bit expensive for me to maintain.
Thanks for that... hmmmm so for under $3000 what else is there that's roadworthy? hmmmm... anyway, a bit off-topic with that thought there
WaveCult wrote:Sounds like a lot can go wrong with them and although reasonably cheap might turn out a bit expensive for me to maintain.
Apart from a few things, they really run no much a risk then a lot of other vehicles. Repair costs on the ones i have owned were never high, if something broke you simply made something else fit. They are also that dirt cheap that a second parts vehicle is cheaply and easily enough found.
But for other options in the cheapies for under $3000, you could look towards a more normal route and look at Suzuki Sierras or SWB Nissan MQ Patrols
I used to race one up on the sunshine coast QLD
Weak point for my were the uni-joint I did heaps of them
As mentioned the vibrations will crack the floor (would be good bargaining power if you find it when buying) easy to weld up.
I snapped the camshaft in half but I think that is as due to bad head shave.
Clean your rear drums out after mud runs
The lift
It was a few years ago but
I used commodore and falcon springs the front I chop a coil or two the rear I just fitted in, as per pre-post find them cheap in the wreakers.
Sigma rear shocks for the rear. However, I needed to tie the coils in, as they would fall out on full drop.
I ran 235x75x15
Eric
Weak point for my were the uni-joint I did heaps of them
As mentioned the vibrations will crack the floor (would be good bargaining power if you find it when buying) easy to weld up.
I snapped the camshaft in half but I think that is as due to bad head shave.
Clean your rear drums out after mud runs
The lift
It was a few years ago but
I used commodore and falcon springs the front I chop a coil or two the rear I just fitted in, as per pre-post find them cheap in the wreakers.
Sigma rear shocks for the rear. However, I needed to tie the coils in, as they would fall out on full drop.
I ran 235x75x15
Eric
78 scout 392ci V8 LPG, 727 TF, dana 20, dana 44 locked and loaded, 9" rear Diff. 10inch lift'n'so on
built4thrashing wrote:just wondering is the transfer bolted to the gearbox or is it separate like the suzuki ones? what are their ratios?
The transfer is seperate, is connected via a rubber coupling, front output is on the passenger side.
If it's not up tomorrow i will dig through some stuff in my shed, i have a complete workshop manual for one which will have the ratios.
Here's some tech info for the lada niva guys.
If anyone needs more info let me know,glad to help!
Lada Niva 4x4
Technical Specifications
3-Dr Hatchback 21214 Standard F.I.
Engine 1700 cc
Displacement Type watercooled SOHC
No. of Cylinders 4
Bore and stroke 82 x 80
Compression Ration 9.3
Maximum Output 59 kw@5200 RPM
Injection Type TBI GM AC Rochester
Transfer Gear Box -
Low 2.1 High 1.2
Transmission 5 forward synchromesh, 1 reverse
Gear Ratio
First 3.67
Second 2.10
Third 1.36
Fourth 1.00
Fifth 0.82
Reverse 3.53
Dimensions
Overall length 3740 mm
Overall width 1680 mm
Overall height 1640 mm
Wheelbase 2200 mm
Track - front 1430 mm
Track - back 1400 mm
Cargo Capacity
with rear seat in regular position 265 dm cubed
Ground Clearance 265 mm
Curb Weight 1210 kg
Gross Vehicle Weight Rating 1610 kg
Seating Capacity 4 adults 4
Suspension
Front Independent coil springs
Rear Coil springs
Steering Type Trailing link, solid axle
Minimum Turning Radius 5.5 m
Brakes
Front Dual circuit power disc
Rear Power assisted drum
Tires
Front and Rear 175 / 80 x 16
Fuel Tank Capacity (Litres) 43 L
Fuel Consumption
City . . . . .L/100 km . /M.P.G. 11.0 / 25.6
Highway . L/100 km . /M.P.G. 8.7 / 32.3
Towing Capacity Trailer without brakes 400 kg
Gross mass of towed trailer Trailer with brakes 1100 kg
If anyone needs more info let me know,glad to help!
Lada Niva 4x4
Technical Specifications
3-Dr Hatchback 21214 Standard F.I.
Engine 1700 cc
Displacement Type watercooled SOHC
No. of Cylinders 4
Bore and stroke 82 x 80
Compression Ration 9.3
Maximum Output 59 kw@5200 RPM
Injection Type TBI GM AC Rochester
Transfer Gear Box -
Low 2.1 High 1.2
Transmission 5 forward synchromesh, 1 reverse
Gear Ratio
First 3.67
Second 2.10
Third 1.36
Fourth 1.00
Fifth 0.82
Reverse 3.53
Dimensions
Overall length 3740 mm
Overall width 1680 mm
Overall height 1640 mm
Wheelbase 2200 mm
Track - front 1430 mm
Track - back 1400 mm
Cargo Capacity
with rear seat in regular position 265 dm cubed
Ground Clearance 265 mm
Curb Weight 1210 kg
Gross Vehicle Weight Rating 1610 kg
Seating Capacity 4 adults 4
Suspension
Front Independent coil springs
Rear Coil springs
Steering Type Trailing link, solid axle
Minimum Turning Radius 5.5 m
Brakes
Front Dual circuit power disc
Rear Power assisted drum
Tires
Front and Rear 175 / 80 x 16
Fuel Tank Capacity (Litres) 43 L
Fuel Consumption
City . . . . .L/100 km . /M.P.G. 11.0 / 25.6
Highway . L/100 km . /M.P.G. 8.7 / 32.3
Towing Capacity Trailer without brakes 400 kg
Gross mass of towed trailer Trailer with brakes 1100 kg
PATROL 2007 ST-L 4.8
3inch Lift, 35inch mtz, Rockhoppers
"POWER DEMANDS RESPECT"
3inch Lift, 35inch mtz, Rockhoppers
"POWER DEMANDS RESPECT"
I had a Niva once, lifted somewhat, (by a former owner) and running 31" tyres.
Othervise stock. That was too much rubber for the clutch! Its the same clutch as in the Lada sedans and way too small for the relatively high, low-range in the Niva with any respectable tyres.
Note the ratios in that excellent spec sheet sent in by HIENUF: High 1.2:1, low 2.1:1. Not much of a difference.
One thing I didn´t find in that spec sheet is the fact that the Niva is a full time four wheel drive vehicle with a lockable diff in the transfer case.
Anyways... I agree with the general impression that the Niva is an excellent offroader as far as it goes, but one that shouldn´t messed with too much.
I liked what one of the american 4x4 mags said about the Niva:
"It´s like a Mini on steroids!"
They just loved it!
Othervise stock. That was too much rubber for the clutch! Its the same clutch as in the Lada sedans and way too small for the relatively high, low-range in the Niva with any respectable tyres.
Note the ratios in that excellent spec sheet sent in by HIENUF: High 1.2:1, low 2.1:1. Not much of a difference.
One thing I didn´t find in that spec sheet is the fact that the Niva is a full time four wheel drive vehicle with a lockable diff in the transfer case.
Anyways... I agree with the general impression that the Niva is an excellent offroader as far as it goes, but one that shouldn´t messed with too much.
I liked what one of the american 4x4 mags said about the Niva:
"It´s like a Mini on steroids!"
They just loved it!
if you don´t know its impossible, you just might do it!
the centres out of a Fiat sports thing will bolt straight in. and thats a LSD. a guy in Melbourne (i think) will replace or modify the diff to LSD for $400 each!BabyGodzillaGTi-R wrote:Just curious, can u get lockers for it?
If that was the case it would make this vehicle pretty impressive for the bucks.
I used a Nive for competition trials for many years, good little truck.
I had a Fiat 2000cc twin cam engine ( UK Mirafiori ) , not a weekend conversion. Some Lancia engines fit as do some Peugoet diesels without major hassles.
The front diff's come loose and get trashed if run when loose, if it's shaking stop and get the spanners on it.
The drive do-nut will last a good while if the transfer box is correctly aligned, use a Fiat part if possible ( it's better quality ) The transfer box also benefits from another bracket at the rear with a rubber exhaust type mount. A steady bar to the top of the engine also helps.
There are numerous gearboxes that will fit from the Lada cars, with as many different ratios. If I remember rightly the one to get is from the 1500cc 4 speed estate which has a low ratio 1st gear and is somehow stronger. The Twin cam never broke it anyway.
I think I used Vauxhall Carlton / Opel Monza rear springs, and just spaced the fronts. The shockers I just sourced from a breakers from Ford Granada's.
I've heard of someone trying to fit a Toyota MR2 'electric' steering rack to the bulkhead to replace the rats nest of rods that passes for steering, but I don't know if he had any luck.
The wiring was crap on mine, and when it was built they only had pink wire that month!
Dave
I had a Fiat 2000cc twin cam engine ( UK Mirafiori ) , not a weekend conversion. Some Lancia engines fit as do some Peugoet diesels without major hassles.
The front diff's come loose and get trashed if run when loose, if it's shaking stop and get the spanners on it.
The drive do-nut will last a good while if the transfer box is correctly aligned, use a Fiat part if possible ( it's better quality ) The transfer box also benefits from another bracket at the rear with a rubber exhaust type mount. A steady bar to the top of the engine also helps.
There are numerous gearboxes that will fit from the Lada cars, with as many different ratios. If I remember rightly the one to get is from the 1500cc 4 speed estate which has a low ratio 1st gear and is somehow stronger. The Twin cam never broke it anyway.
I think I used Vauxhall Carlton / Opel Monza rear springs, and just spaced the fronts. The shockers I just sourced from a breakers from Ford Granada's.
I've heard of someone trying to fit a Toyota MR2 'electric' steering rack to the bulkhead to replace the rats nest of rods that passes for steering, but I don't know if he had any luck.
The wiring was crap on mine, and when it was built they only had pink wire that month!
Dave
"Fasten your seat belt, I'm going to try something different"
Which is the biggest society of belivers?.
The Lada owners, they all belive they have a car!
What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness
What's the difference between a Lada and a sheep?
It's less embarasing being seen climbing out the back of a sheep.
Man buys a Lada but after only one day of ownership returns it to the
garage.
"It's no good mate, the car's no good for me" says the man
"Why not?" asks the car dealer.
"See that steep hill over there?" says the man pointing
"Well it will only get up to seventy five up there!"
"That's not bad really sir, for a Lada especially. I can't see a problem
with that"
"Trouble is" said the man, " I live at ninety five
What is the difference between a lada and a Tampon ?
You get a tow rope with a Tampon.
What do you call a man in a suit getting out a Lada, in a court car park ?
The accused.
A man goes into a car accessory shop and say's to the assistant "Can I have
a hub cap for my Lada?"
The assistant thinks for a moment and reply's "Okay, it seems a fair swop"
Did you hear about the bloke who had his Lada broken into?
The thieves put him a radio in!
Why is a lada like a woman?
Because when you put your foot down there is no response!
What do you call a Lada convertible?
A Skip.
What do you call a Lada going up a hill?
A bloody miracle.
Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a
donkey.
The donkey, never having seen a Lada before, asks: "What are you?"
The Lada say's "I am a car. What are you?"
The donkey say's "Hahahaha... If you're a car, I'm a horse!"
Heard of Lada's new turbo model?
It has pedals in the backseat, too!
How do you make a Lada worth twice as much?
You fill up the gas tank.
A kid is walking down the road when a car pulls up beside him. The window
winds down and a middle aged man peers out and says "Come into the car and
I'll take you for a drive." The kid refuses and walks on.
The car follows him and pulls up again. "C'mon" says the driver "Hop in and
I'll give you a packet of Smarties".
Again the kid refuses and walks away.
The car follows him and pulls up beside him again. The driver steps out and
says, "If you come for a drive I'll give you all the sweets you want".
The kid turns around and says "Look Dad, you bought the bloody Lada, now you
deal with it!"
Why is the Lada's rear window heated?
So the hands of the people pushing it will not freeze.
How do you make a Lada disappear?
You spray it with rust remover!
Now they have made a new Lada, with two exhaust pipes.
So you can use it as a wheelbarrow at weekends.
A Lada can reach a speed of 125 mph, if it's transported on the railway!
Did you know that the Lada's instruction book contains 500 pages?
There are two pages with information about the car and 498 pages with bus
and train timetables.
Why do insurance companies enjoy Lada's?
They are never stolen.
Why is there light under the Lada's bonnet?
So you can fix it 24 hours a day.
There is a new 16 valve Lada.
It has 8 in the engine, and 8 in the radio.
My cousin was unemployed. Then he became a Lada salesman.
He is still unemployed, but now we understand why
Do you know what all the Lada owners are dreaming about?
Getting a ticket for speeding.
From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!
Did you know that there are only two men working in the Lada factory?
One with scissors and one with glue.
Do you know what the trip counter in the Lada says when it's passing 20,000
miles?
GAME OVER!!!
The Lada owners, they all belive they have a car!
What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness
What's the difference between a Lada and a sheep?
It's less embarasing being seen climbing out the back of a sheep.
Man buys a Lada but after only one day of ownership returns it to the
garage.
"It's no good mate, the car's no good for me" says the man
"Why not?" asks the car dealer.
"See that steep hill over there?" says the man pointing
"Well it will only get up to seventy five up there!"
"That's not bad really sir, for a Lada especially. I can't see a problem
with that"
"Trouble is" said the man, " I live at ninety five
What is the difference between a lada and a Tampon ?
You get a tow rope with a Tampon.
What do you call a man in a suit getting out a Lada, in a court car park ?
The accused.
A man goes into a car accessory shop and say's to the assistant "Can I have
a hub cap for my Lada?"
The assistant thinks for a moment and reply's "Okay, it seems a fair swop"
Did you hear about the bloke who had his Lada broken into?
The thieves put him a radio in!
Why is a lada like a woman?
Because when you put your foot down there is no response!
What do you call a Lada convertible?
A Skip.
What do you call a Lada going up a hill?
A bloody miracle.
Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a
donkey.
The donkey, never having seen a Lada before, asks: "What are you?"
The Lada say's "I am a car. What are you?"
The donkey say's "Hahahaha... If you're a car, I'm a horse!"
Heard of Lada's new turbo model?
It has pedals in the backseat, too!
How do you make a Lada worth twice as much?
You fill up the gas tank.
A kid is walking down the road when a car pulls up beside him. The window
winds down and a middle aged man peers out and says "Come into the car and
I'll take you for a drive." The kid refuses and walks on.
The car follows him and pulls up again. "C'mon" says the driver "Hop in and
I'll give you a packet of Smarties".
Again the kid refuses and walks away.
The car follows him and pulls up beside him again. The driver steps out and
says, "If you come for a drive I'll give you all the sweets you want".
The kid turns around and says "Look Dad, you bought the bloody Lada, now you
deal with it!"
Why is the Lada's rear window heated?
So the hands of the people pushing it will not freeze.
How do you make a Lada disappear?
You spray it with rust remover!
Now they have made a new Lada, with two exhaust pipes.
So you can use it as a wheelbarrow at weekends.
A Lada can reach a speed of 125 mph, if it's transported on the railway!
Did you know that the Lada's instruction book contains 500 pages?
There are two pages with information about the car and 498 pages with bus
and train timetables.
Why do insurance companies enjoy Lada's?
They are never stolen.
Why is there light under the Lada's bonnet?
So you can fix it 24 hours a day.
There is a new 16 valve Lada.
It has 8 in the engine, and 8 in the radio.
My cousin was unemployed. Then he became a Lada salesman.
He is still unemployed, but now we understand why
Do you know what all the Lada owners are dreaming about?
Getting a ticket for speeding.
From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!
Did you know that there are only two men working in the Lada factory?
One with scissors and one with glue.
Do you know what the trip counter in the Lada says when it's passing 20,000
miles?
GAME OVER!!!
I do not need sex, the government fucks me every day!
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